I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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