You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
