just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
