mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want nice things and good sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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