i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
