and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
