I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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