Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
