i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
