How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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