first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
