Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
