Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
