oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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