mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
