There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
