Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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