Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
