I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
