hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
