I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
