Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
