Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
