just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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