Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
