Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
