You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
