She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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