I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
