I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
