I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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