It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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