Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
