He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
