We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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