So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
