so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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