I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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