maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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