For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
