what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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