1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
