Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
