I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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