so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
