your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
