You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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