when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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