things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
