i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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