No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
