I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
