Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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