can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
