if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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