Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
