I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize