foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
