On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
