Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize