he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
