my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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