I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize