this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
